The truth is that we are creatures of habit. We are driven by the need for security and stability. We seek happiness. We want to feel loved.
That’s a pretty big list of things we seek. I know that I really don’t have any of those things. I’m not a security freak, I don’t want security, I’m not a happy person. I’m not insecure by any means, I just don’t care about people as much as I used to.
I’m not saying that you should give up on love. I’m saying that sometimes you just have to take a page from your partner’s behavior. If you continue to try to meet your partner’s needs then you may find that you feel a lot more insecure than you did before. You may feel like you have to put up with things that you don’t want to because your partner does. And you may start to think that your partner is not really your partner.
A lot of people start out in relationships and then become insecure over time. They become so anxious and worried about their partner that they just cant stop themselves from being an asshole. It took me awhile to realize that I had to stop trying to be a perfect partner. And that I had to stop trying to be the best me. I had to quit trying to make things better for my partner and instead find ways to make things better for myself.
First, don’t fight. That’s the first thing. Second, don’t wait for her to initiate conversations, but rather wait for her to initiate. Like, “Hey, do you want to go grab a drink with me?” or something. When you say “you”, you’re not saying “she.
It’s the same advice I gave to my wife for her to stop trying to be the perfect partner and instead to go out and make things better for herself. And it’s the same advice I give to my students to stop trying to be the best student and instead to try to be the best teacher.
That said, one of the most common misunderstandings about a man in a relationship is that he is just the “man in the relationship”. The guy who is making all the decisions, making all the plans, is the actual man in the relationship. The one who is the one with all the baggage who carries the guilt.
Many relationships start with a man not being the man in the relationship. It is much easier for a woman to simply say, “I’m sorry, it’s not that I’m the man in the relationship, it’s that you are.
Unfortunately, that’s often the case. The guy who is the one in the relationship is often not the one in charge. Women tend to put all the blame on the man, so they take all the credit for everything. This is an issue that affects a lot of women, but a particularly big one for me. I tend to blame myself for not keeping up with the guys more. I blame myself for not being there for them when things don’t go their way.
This is an issue that gets all the major problems we have at the end of a romantic relationship, but it really comes down to this: women often put the blame for their own relationship on the guy.