This is a question that I have received a lot of times. I am always told that I must ask an older woman “how old are you?” or “how old are you?” to get her to do what I want her to do. I think that it is a little bit selfish of me and I don’t want to make it seem like I’m pressuring her to do something she doesn’t want to do.
That is absolutely not the way to go about this. If you want something from someone, there is a good amount of opportunity to ask them for it, but it is also a chance to make them feel uncomfortable. The fact that you are asking is a small hint of how much you want what you are asking for. Sometimes we may not know how much we want a thing until we ask. And if we are not sure at the time, it is easy to ask again later.
The older woman in this story is an old friend of Im’s and Im is making sure she is comfortable with her decision to sleep with Im. But then she is the one who ends up getting upset with Im, and so we talk through what happened. When it comes to asking, if you are looking to take something away from a person, this is the way to go. Make them feel uncomfortable and make them ask you for it.
The question is not “should I do it” or “should I not do it.” The question is “will it be good for me? Will I be able to enjoy it?” If you can’t answer that question, don’t ask it.
When it comes to how I would ask a woman to do something I dont like with her, I would always ask, “Is it okay for me to do it with you?” This way, she would feel comfortable with the fact that I would like it and she would be able to make a decision about it that was her own.
This is how I learned to ask permission when it was an uncomfortable request. It can be extremely uncomfortable to ask others if you feel like they are consenting with you (especially when they are older). I usually end up asking, “Would you please sleep with me?” but most people will think it is an awkward question and they will say no, but they might still go along with it.
I’m not talking about asking permission for sex, I’m talking about just asking permission to sleep with someone. In the case of asking permission to have sex, the person asking for permission to sleep with you is the person you’ve set out to get to sleep with.
I’ve never had a problem with this in a dating situation, but I have had a problem with this question when the other person is a bit older than I am. This is because the other person is expecting a ‘no’ or a’maybe’ or a ‘wait and see’. You want to get a yes, and if they are not interested in sex then you end up arguing. I’m not saying people should not ask permission, but it is a bit of a red flag.
It’s true that most people are not expecting a yes if they are not interested, but most of these are older women that have had relationships that have ended in divorce. Older people are more likely to have had multiple partners and have had a relationship for a long time. This is because older people are more likely to know more of their partners than younger people, which is why they are more likely to know that you are not interested.